Falling and Laughing

K., Erik, 1977– Falling and laughing Chicago: 2007. p. : ill. (some col.); imaginary dimensions. Coarse language sometimes used. Non-fiction, except for bits fabricated by author. SUMMARY: Music-, dog-, word-besotted Chicago man discovers he enjoys talking back to the internet. Fun times ensue. SEE ALSO: SUBJECTS OCCUPATION: Lapsed librarian, current designer, aspiring flâconteur (rare minotaur-like creature that is half flâneur, half raconteur).

SUBJECTS Falling and laughing 1. Thoughts--their shape. 2. Thoughts--ones had while walking dog. 3. Thoughts--ones that made me laugh. 4. Thoughts--the kind I’ve got. 5. Spleen--its venting. 6. Japery--assorted. 7. Words. 8. Music. 9. Books. 10. Obsessions--varied. 11. Animals--facts. 12. Animals--made-up things.  13. Dogs--beloved halfling Rottweiler. 14. Birds-- the bowerbird. 15. Birds--the great bustard. 16. Illinois--Chicago--residents--lives and customs. 17. Happiness--its pursuit.

Close Drawer

The men’s antiperspirant/deodorant section (hereafter MA/DS) is one of the more hilarious and dismaying areas of the modern drugstore. I had time to reflect on this for way longer than I wanted tonight, having recently made the difficult decision to break up with the A/P I’ve used since my teens. It is Right Guard something-something; I can’t even tell you the exact kind because I would just grab it by quick visual ID of the label design/package shape and throw it in the cart. It’s one of those purchases you make on autopilot, lest you have a meltdown when faced with the 1,000 tiny decision points that vex even this kind of trivial consumer choice. Anyway, I don’t know what type of competing-with-Axe formula-tinkering Right Guard has had to do, but I’d recently noticed that I could prominently smell my A/D on my person, which is the exact opposite of what I want. It was a heavy, soapy, nigh-gag-inducing smell. No thank you. So I found myself in the MA/DS of the neighborhood Jewel/Osco tonight, having to actually think about my A/D for the first time in 10+ years. Fuck. I know the above photo is blurry, so let me tell you some of the names of the A/D in this small area alone (maybe 25% of the entire MA/DS): Old Spice RED ZONE “Swagger” Tag Stay Up™ Invisible Solid Anti-Perspirant & Deodorant AXE Vice Deodorant AXE Kilo (!—Ed.) Deodorant Tag Get Yours™ Invisible Solid Anti-Perspirant It’s all like some Grand Theft Auto-derived fantasia of alpha playa/thug-hood. Like maybe if you wear this deodorant you’ll unlock the special dirty sex mode of GTA that various peeps got up in arms about some years back. And then there is the positioning of these eXXXtreme A/D’s. It is the corollary/opposite of the canny grocer’s innovation to put all the really sugarbomby cereals low on the shelf, at the eye level of a small child (who will then plead with poor exhausted mom or poor henpecked dad for the Cap’n Crunch Crunchberry): the modern edgy antiperspirant/deodorant is shelved right at the eye level of the adoloscent lad who’s just had his growth spurt and is steady on his grind. All the grown-up deodorants are relegated to the bottom two shelves; you’ve got to crouch to find the unscented ones, or the ones that don’t have metallic labels with metallic blood spatters on them. In closing, a life tip to anyone seeking to enhance their swagger via an A/D called “Swagger”: you have deeper swagger issues that need addressing.

The men’s antiperspirant/deodorant section (hereafter MA/DS) is one of the more hilarious and dismaying areas of the modern drugstore. I had time to reflect on this for way longer than I wanted tonight, having recently made the difficult decision to break up with the A/P I’ve used since my teens. It is Right Guard something-something; I can’t even tell you the exact kind because I would just grab it by quick visual ID of the label design/package shape and throw it in the cart. It’s one of those purchases you make on autopilot, lest you have a meltdown when faced with the 1,000 tiny decision points that vex even this kind of trivial consumer choice.

Anyway, I don’t know what type of competing-with-Axe formula-tinkering Right Guard has had to do, but I’d recently noticed that I could prominently smell my A/D on my person, which is the exact opposite of what I want. It was a heavy, soapy, nigh-gag-inducing smell. No thank you.

So I found myself in the MA/DS of the neighborhood Jewel/Osco tonight, having to actually think about my A/D for the first time in 10+ years. Fuck. I know the above photo is blurry, so let me tell you some of the names of the A/D in this small area alone (maybe 25% of the entire MA/DS):

  • Old Spice RED ZONE “Swagger”
  • Tag Stay Up™ Invisible Solid Anti-Perspirant & Deodorant
  • AXE Vice Deodorant
  • AXE Kilo (!—Ed.) Deodorant
  • Tag Get Yours™ Invisible Solid Anti-Perspirant

It’s all like some Grand Theft Auto-derived fantasia of alpha playa/thug-hood. Like maybe if you wear this deodorant you’ll unlock the special dirty sex mode of GTA that various peeps got up in arms about some years back.

And then there is the positioning of these eXXXtreme A/D’s. It is the corollary/opposite of the canny grocer’s innovation to put all the really sugarbomby cereals low on the shelf, at the eye level of a small child (who will then plead with poor exhausted mom or poor henpecked dad for the Cap’n Crunch Crunchberry): the modern edgy antiperspirant/deodorant is shelved right at the eye level of the adoloscent lad who’s just had his growth spurt and is steady on his grind. All the grown-up deodorants are relegated to the bottom two shelves; you’ve got to crouch to find the unscented ones, or the ones that don’t have metallic labels with metallic blood spatters on them.

In closing, a life tip to anyone seeking to enhance their swagger via an A/D called “Swagger”: you have deeper swagger issues that need addressing.

21 Feb 2010 //
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